Difficulty: Intermediate | Prerequisites: Basic understanding of evolutionary psychology (Ch. 5) and social cognition
This chapter argues that attraction is not random. Psychologists can predict it using proximity, similarity, reciprocity, reward, attachment and social exchange. Close relationships are one of the strongest predictors of happiness and well-being. The material covers why people are attracted to each other, how relationships form, what maintains them, why they fail and how love works psychologically.
Attraction is predictable, not random. Proximity, similarity, reciprocal liking and physical attractiveness are the strongest predictors. Relationships are maintained through equity, self-disclosure, attachment and reward. Love shifts from passionate to companionate over time. Human connection is one of the most important psychological needs.
Need to belong
A fundamental human motivation to form and maintain close relationships. It is universal and biologically important.
Ostracism
Being excluded, ignored or rejected by others. Even brief exclusion hurts psychologically. Brain studies show social rejection activates some of the same neural systems as physical pain.
Proximity
Physical closeness between people. People are more likely to meet, interact and become friends with nearby people.
Propinquity
Geographical closeness leading to attraction. Proximity is closeness; propinquity is relationship formation due to closeness.
Mere exposure effect
Repeated exposure to something increases liking. Familiarity creates comfort. Works best when the initial reaction is neutral or positive.
Physical attractiveness stereotype
The assumption that attractive people possess other positive qualities. Also called "what is beautiful is good."
Halo effect
One positive trait creates positive assumptions about unrelated traits (e.g. someone attractive is assumed to be intelligent and trustworthy).
Matching phenomenon / matching hypothesis
People tend to pair with others of similar attractiveness, not the most attractive person available.
Similarity
Shared attitudes, interests, values and backgrounds. One of the strongest predictors of attraction.
Complementarity
The idea that opposites attract. Evidence for this is weak; long-term compatibility is usually based on similarity.
Reciprocal liking
We tend to like people who like us. Being liked boosts self-esteem and feels rewarding.
Ingratiation
Using flattery or agreement to gain approval. Effective ingratiation must appear sincere.
Reward theory of attraction
People like those associated with positive feelings and rewards (emotional support, validation, fun, status).
Passionate love
Intense emotional and physical attraction. Strongest early in relationships and usually decreases over time.
Companionate love
Deep affection, attachment and commitment. Built on trust, stability and emotional intimacy. Long-term relationships rely more heavily on this.
Sternberg's triangular theory of love
Love has three components: passion (physical attraction), intimacy (emotional closeness) and commitment (decision to maintain the relationship). Different combinations create different relationship types.
In simple terms, passion only = infatuation, intimacy only = friendship, all three = consummate love.
Two-factor theory of emotion / misattribution of arousal
Emotion comes from physiological arousal plus interpretation. Arousal from one source (e.g. fear on a suspension bridge) can be misinterpreted as romantic attraction.
Attachment styles
Secure (trust, comfort with closeness), anxious (fear of abandonment, clinginess) and avoidant (discomfort with closeness, emotional distance). Shaped by early childhood relationships.
Social exchange theory
Relationships involve evaluating rewards (love, support, companionship) and costs (stress, conflict, sacrifice).
Equity
Fair balance between contributions and rewards. Both under-benefiting and over-benefiting can create discomfort.
Self-disclosure
Sharing personal information with others. Builds trust and deepens relationships. Healthy disclosure is gradual and reciprocal.
Humans have a deep, universal need for acceptance, attachment and inclusion. Strong relationships improve mental health, physical health, happiness and longevity. Social isolation is linked to depression, anxiety, poor health and lower life satisfaction. Brain studies show social rejection activates some of the same neural systems as physical injury.
Ostracism (being excluded or ignored) hurts psychologically even in brief doses. Humans are extremely sensitive to rejection because group belonging was important for survival historically.
Most friendships and relationships begin because of convenience, repeated exposure and accessibility, not destiny. Examples: classmates, coworkers, neighbours, dorm residents.
Propinquity is the specific term for relationship formation due to geographical closeness. The mere exposure effect explains part of why proximity matters: the more we encounter people, songs or faces, the more positively we tend to evaluate them. This works best when the initial reaction is neutral or positive; repeated exposure to something strongly disliked does not increase liking.
Physical attractiveness strongly influences first impressions, dating and social treatment. The physical attractiveness stereotype ("what is beautiful is good") means people assume attractive individuals are smarter, kinder, more competent and more successful, even without evidence. Attractive people often receive better treatment and more opportunities.
The halo effect extends beyond attractiveness: wealth or confidence can also create positive assumptions about unrelated traits.
Evolutionary explanations suggest certain traits (symmetry, clear skin, youthfulness) may signal health and fertility, but the chapter emphasises that culture also shapes beauty standards. Beauty preferences are not purely biological.
The matching hypothesis shows people tend to pair with others of similar attractiveness. People usually do not pair with the most attractive possible person; similarity predicts stable matching.
Similarity is one of the strongest predictors of attraction. It validates beliefs, reduces conflict, increases predictability and creates shared identity. People bond over politics, religion, education, hobbies, humour and values.
Complementarity (opposites attract) has weak evidence. Opposites may attract briefly, but long-term compatibility usually rests on similarity.
We like people who like us. Being liked boosts self-esteem, feels rewarding and reduces uncertainty. People especially like those who seem selectively interested in them.
The reward theory of attraction says relationships are strengthened when interactions feel rewarding (emotional support, validation, fun, status, attention).
Passionate love is intense emotional and physical attraction: obsession, excitement, arousal, longing. It is strongest early in relationships and usually decreases over time.
Companionate love is deep affection, attachment and commitment: trust, stability, emotional intimacy. Long-term relationships rely more heavily on companionate love.
Three components: passion (physical attraction/arousal), intimacy (emotional closeness) and commitment (decision to maintain the relationship). Different combinations produce different relationship types: passion alone = infatuation, intimacy alone = friendship, all three = consummate love.
Emotion comes from physiological arousal plus interpretation. Arousal can intensify attraction. The classic example: fear on a suspension bridge may be misinterpreted as romantic attraction (misattribution of arousal).
Early childhood relationships shape later relationship expectations. Secure attachment involves trust, comfort with closeness and emotional stability. Anxious attachment involves fear of abandonment, clinginess and insecurity. Avoidant attachment involves discomfort with closeness, emotional distance and self-reliance. These styles influence dating behaviour, conflict and emotional intimacy.
Relationships involve evaluating rewards (love, support, companionship) against costs (stress, conflict, sacrifice). People compare what they receive with what they give. Equity means a fair balance; perceived unfairness creates dissatisfaction. Both under-benefiting and over-benefiting can create discomfort.
Sharing personal information builds trust, creates intimacy and deepens relationships. Healthy disclosure is gradual and reciprocal. Too much too quickly creates discomfort.
Conflict is normal and unavoidable. Successful relationships are predicted by communication, empathy, fairness and emotional regulation.
Students often believe "opposites attract" is well supported. It is not. Complementarity has weak evidence; similarity is a far stronger predictor of lasting attraction.
Students sometimes think the mere exposure effect works for everything. It works best when the initial reaction is neutral or positive. Repeated exposure to something already disliked does not increase liking.
Students often confuse passionate and companionate love with "real" and "not real" love. Both are genuine; they are simply different in character and timing.
Students sometimes assume attachment styles are fixed for life. While they are relatively stable, they can change through experience and awareness.
⚠️ Sternberg's triangular theory is heavily tested. Know the three components and what different combinations produce.
⚠️ The mere exposure effect is a favourite exam concept. Know its conditions and limits.
⚠️ Misattribution of arousal (the suspension bridge study) is a classic exam example.
⚠️ Know all three attachment styles and their characteristics.
⚠️ The distinction between passionate and companionate love appears frequently.
⚠️ Social exchange theory and equity are tested in both multiple-choice and essay formats.
⚠️ The matching hypothesis (people pair with similar attractiveness) is often confused with the physical attractiveness stereotype (beautiful = good). Know the difference.
Fill in the blank: The tendency to like something more after repeated exposure is called the ________ effect. (mere exposure)
True or false: The matching hypothesis says people always pursue the most attractive available partner. (False. People tend to pair with similar attractiveness.)
Fill in the blank: Sternberg's three components of love are ________, ________ and ________. (passion, intimacy, commitment)
True or false: Secure attachment involves fear of abandonment and clinginess. (False. That describes anxious attachment.)
Fill in the blank: The belief that attractive people are also intelligent and kind is called the ________ stereotype. (physical attractiveness stereotype, or "what is beautiful is good")
Q: Explain the mere exposure effect and identify one important limitation.
A: The mere exposure effect is the tendency for repeated exposure to increase liking. Familiarity breeds comfort. One important limitation: it works best when the initial reaction is neutral or positive. Repeated exposure to something already strongly disliked does not increase liking.
Q: Describe Sternberg's triangular theory of love and explain what "consummate love" requires.
A: Sternberg proposes three components: passion (physical attraction and arousal), intimacy (emotional closeness and warmth) and commitment (the decision to maintain the relationship). Consummate love requires all three. Different combinations create different types: passion alone = infatuation, intimacy alone = friendship, passion + commitment without intimacy = fatuous love.
Q: Compare the three attachment styles and explain how they might affect adult relationships.
A: Secure attachment involves trust, comfort with closeness and emotional stability, leading to healthy relationships. Anxious attachment involves fear of abandonment and clinginess, which can create jealousy and conflict. Avoidant attachment involves discomfort with closeness and emotional distance, making intimacy difficult. These patterns, shaped by early childhood, influence how adults handle dating, conflict and emotional openness.
Q: What is the physical attractiveness stereotype, and how does it differ from the matching hypothesis?
A: The physical attractiveness stereotype ("what is beautiful is good") is the assumption that attractive people possess other positive qualities like intelligence and kindness. The matching hypothesis is the observation that people tend to form relationships with partners of similar attractiveness. One is about what we assume; the other is about who we actually pair with.
Attraction draws on evolutionary psychology from Ch. 5, connects to self-esteem and social identity from Ch. 9, and relates to prosocial behaviour (Ch. 12) through themes of empathy and social exchange.
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